*sigh* Here it goes.
When I had gastric bypass 2 years ago I weighed 250 pounds. Last year at this time I was down to 175-ish. I didn’t go to my annual appointment with my doctor because I was ashamed of that weight and was certain I would get in trouble for not losing more. I’m now coming up on my 2nd anniversary and got a notice in the mail that I need to make my appointment once again. I weighed myself this morning and it said 192.
192
So close to 200 again. A number I swore I would never touch again. Hell, I swore I’d never go over 180 again but things slipped. Depression crept back in and instead of walking I wanted to sleep and play games on Facebook. Instead of eating portions that matched the triplets I started eating more and more and more. I snacked on cookies and treats I made for Christmas and I drank way too much Diet Coke.
It’s a new year and people are making resolutions that will be broken in a weeks time. I am making mine out loud on here and Facebook. A public shaming, a swift kick in the ass. I need one big time.
I’ve started using the app LoseIt on my phone again. I track all of my foods and exercise. I told it how fast I want to lose the weight and it tells me how many calories I am allowed every day. Cut it in half and there we go. (I used to use SparkPeople.com will have to see if they have something similar for my phone. I need community and the ease of scanning bar codes. I am lazy at heart after all.)
Man, I sound like I have an eating disorder. Really when you think about it, I do. I over eat. I am addicted to food. It comforts me when I feel like shit. It is there with me when we celebrate happiness in our lives. You need it for fuel to live. You can’t give up on it cold turkey. Moderation and I have never really gotten along but we’re trying to forge a new friendship that will allow my knees to stop complaining so much.
So, there. It’s out there. 192. Never again sucker. Just a couple more of these Animal Cookies dipped in white fudge first.
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