Fear.

I have been having those “dead baby” fears creeping up on me lately. Way to start a post, huh?

Let’s back up a bit here. I am pregnant with triplets and they are all in my belly somewhat like this:

Yeah, that’s a really bad drawing, but that’s what you get when I am rushing to post before I try to sleep for the night.

Lately, I’ve been feeling Babies A & C moving around quite a bit on the inside of my stomach. I have not been feeling Baby B. I have felt thumps on the side where Baby B is on the outside of my belly, but I don’t feel those things on the inside.

Am I making any sense? Probably not.

I told James of my fears and he shrugged telling me that if we had lost one of them that there wasn’t anything they could do at this point anyway. Logically he’s right, but I wanted to be comforted and told that everything is OK.

Since I am not logical I have been going through my head the various ways I could’ve harmed Baby B. Since Baby B is on my right side he/she might have been squished by my mammoth body as I tried to seek some relief from my sciatica. I may have messed them all up by not laying on my left side enough. I may have made them future high school drop outs by forgetting to take my prenatal vitamins a few nights here and there. I may also have given them listeria when I had that ham sandwich.

More than likely they are all just fine and Baby B just moved so I can’t feel him/her move around as much as the other two. I won’t have any reassurances until Friday when we head back down to Minneapolis to visit the perinatologist’s office.

I should also just stop reading blogs. Really.

Tonight, I read a new post on Julie’s site where she recalled a harrowing experience driving home on ice slicked roads and dealing with a toddler. She also mentioned another blogger, Alexa of Flotsam, who has been going through her own personal hell. I started reading her posts and felt for her as she described her daughter’s continued stay in the NICU on a ventilator that works by vibrating the baby at high speeds. Ethan was on such a ventilator.

I started going through previous posts trying to figure out how she got where she was. I learned that we see the same group of doctors. I also learned that she was pregnant with twins but that one had died. My fears started rushing back at me. My heart aches for her.

Wow, what an uplifting post, huh?? Sorry about that. I wanted to post about my new ring or about how James had “the best birthday ever” on Sunday when he put together his new portable fish house. This is what came out of my slightly swollen fingertips.

Friday: Minneapolis for the perinatologist. Staying the night before a little closer to Minneapolis since the receptionist wouldn’t budge on the timing of the ultrasound. (I don’t CARE that they like to do multiples at 10am. I have a 3 1/2 drive, doo-doo head, and I don’t wanna get up that flippin’ early!) I have promised not to leave the doctor’s office without finding out who is what in there.

Until then I am going to nibble on some Chips Ahoy. It’s been proven that these little cookies will bring me happiness and help me not be such a stressed out freak.